Profound emotions
where did all my persistent, adamant will to stay on in Melbourne go?
I cant seem to rmb how i felt a few months ago
What if i chose to accept KPMG offer, i would be back home now
with my parents, friends, familiarity, comfort and many new sights
Would i regret then?
Regret not abandoning the life of constant, of rush.
I really miss the days in china
where time was not an issue for me
nor the utterance of "who the hell has time for this" was ever on my lips
where i could just sit and admire nature in its barest form
and feel so insignificant, blown away by it all
With knowledge, and actual grasp that my problems are so small compared to those big tiger leaping gorge mountains, or beautiful yangshuo karst mountains and yellow fields.
that im so small and the world is so big
and that was what i wanted in life, to see the world. that will was so strong.
in times like this, who do i hang on? what do i have? is that why i run back to comfort? to security? where is my courage to step and touch the unknown.
i miss travelling, the hostels, the meeting of likeminded ppl, the easy instant connection with everyone of them in the room. liberating.
the alone-ness of it all, i will do it again, in a heartbeat.
what will happen to me.
i do not know
even my dad doesnt see what i feel
i want to take a year off and travel still, travel more.
am i being practical
will reality just pull me back to earth
just like how, for that moment, i was thrown into “i prob shud have gone back and worked at KPMG”
then my parents would approve, friends would think my life is sorted.
but is that what i want?