today, i woke up at 9am.
i wanted to study.
Instead, i felt pain shooting down my legs and my stomach.
i knew instantly miss cramps has decided to pay me a visit on this bright sunny morn where i purposely woke up to study, PURPOSELY DELIBERATELY HARDWORKING
so screw studies and laundry and all. i was going dizzy and my face was drained of its colour, pale white, like always when this happens.
i had to vomit out everything as usual, shit out whatever the cramps is inducing as usual and then run up to my room and crash to the floor, wriggling and moaning around in pain as usual. yes the floor, the bed seems to induce more pain
so as usual as always i pretend that i have fainted and tried to bring my mind elsewhere. and it drifted to cramps days in TKGS where i would also vomit, shit and turn whitely pale lyin on the sickbay bed and amazingly in poly, i had only cramps ONCE where i swear i tore out half my hair.
today i was calm tho, i swore never to give birth as usual as always, i took normal panadol and made a mental note to bring a lifetime worth of pink panadol next time and i just dozed off/passed out from the pain as usual, but i thought i was gonna die from the pain and kept praying " i can do this, i will live, i will not die".
why, all bcos i didnt have trusty pink panadol around. sometimes, we rely on stuff so much we think we wil die if we dont have it.
i realized im stripped bare with nothing only someone to look after me from above. n i guess thats enough already. i think i shud throw my books aside, enjoy and take a chill pill everyday.
whyisitthatsomepplseemtohavemorefunwhyisitttthingsiwantsescapeme? i dont know. i choose to believe tt despite all these someone is still lookin after me. i shud stop complaining and try to have some fun so i wll stop comparing. will the nerd in me pls go away, i want to have fun wihtout the guilt. i want peanut butter. i cant wait for tmrrrrrrrr. why am i living vicariously thru ppl's photographs. pardon this post, its not that bad really, i just had a great dinner with fab dessert melted bananas with cheese, its just a painful day today.
much love friends
i wanted to study.
Instead, i felt pain shooting down my legs and my stomach.
i knew instantly miss cramps has decided to pay me a visit on this bright sunny morn where i purposely woke up to study, PURPOSELY DELIBERATELY HARDWORKING
so screw studies and laundry and all. i was going dizzy and my face was drained of its colour, pale white, like always when this happens.
i had to vomit out everything as usual, shit out whatever the cramps is inducing as usual and then run up to my room and crash to the floor, wriggling and moaning around in pain as usual. yes the floor, the bed seems to induce more pain
so as usual as always i pretend that i have fainted and tried to bring my mind elsewhere. and it drifted to cramps days in TKGS where i would also vomit, shit and turn whitely pale lyin on the sickbay bed and amazingly in poly, i had only cramps ONCE where i swear i tore out half my hair.
today i was calm tho, i swore never to give birth as usual as always, i took normal panadol and made a mental note to bring a lifetime worth of pink panadol next time and i just dozed off/passed out from the pain as usual, but i thought i was gonna die from the pain and kept praying " i can do this, i will live, i will not die".
why, all bcos i didnt have trusty pink panadol around. sometimes, we rely on stuff so much we think we wil die if we dont have it.
i realized im stripped bare with nothing only someone to look after me from above. n i guess thats enough already. i think i shud throw my books aside, enjoy and take a chill pill everyday.
whyisitthatsomepplseemtohavemorefunwhyisitttthingsiwantsescapeme? i dont know. i choose to believe tt despite all these someone is still lookin after me. i shud stop complaining and try to have some fun so i wll stop comparing. will the nerd in me pls go away, i want to have fun wihtout the guilt. i want peanut butter. i cant wait for tmrrrrrrrr. why am i living vicariously thru ppl's photographs. pardon this post, its not that bad really, i just had a great dinner with fab dessert melted bananas with cheese, its just a painful day today.
much love friends
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